Friday, August 13, 2010

Wookie of The Month: Amanda

Composed By Ben Human

Hetty Lot Name: Pandamandarthmonium
Age: 21
Street Cred: University of New Hampshire Class of 2010, seven-time Gold Star Winner Memorial Elementary, tenth grade math class Most Improved, and Price Chopper AdvantEdge card holder
Mustache: Huge

Ben: Where did you begin your wookie tour? How many festivals or shows have you seen this summer?

Panda: This summer, let’s see, I did three Phish shows, three Furthur shows, and four festivals.

Ben: Well that’s a pretty good mash-up, what do you have planned next after Gathering of the Vibes?

Panda: I’m actually going to hang out for a few weeks, a couple of weeks, just hang out in New Hampshire with some friends, and I think I might head out west mid-August with one of my good friends, and we’re going to go mining on the way, and were going to go do Furthur tour in December.

Ben: Did you run out of money?

Panda: No, I have not run out of money yet and I have a substantial amount. I’ve been very good about being frugal and not blowing my money on stupid shit, so I think, I will have to do little work, like selling, probably water out at the Furthur shows. You know, things like getting cigarettes in one state and selling them in the next. You gotta go over the line. I might have to do little stuff like that to have enough money to come all the way back, but for now it looks like I have a substantial amount of money to get out there and get to the first two shows.

Ben: Who is the most interesting person that you’ve met?

Panda: Definitely the Baptist

Ben: The Baptist?

Panda: Yes, he’s this hillbilly that I met. I was hanging out at the campsite with a couple of friends at around like six o’clock in the morning, on Friday morning at Camp Bisco, and the Baptist came by. He walked up to us like, “You guys need to sip this water.” Uhhhh... ok. You get kind of sketched out hearing that at a festival. So, he explained to us that it was some mint water, some like Indian, ya know, something weird, and we ended up drinking it. It was really good, it was just good water. He sat down and talked to us for a long time, he was really entertaining because he was like a real hillbilly and he was wearing overalls and like just up doing cocaine all night and ornery. He kept twirling his mustache. He had a really intense mustache an beard combination, but he kept taking the mustache and twirling it aside, and saying, “Doesn’t it just make you smile?” He talked to me about New Mexico, where I’ve been before I started going to shows and stuff back in June. And, he also talked to me about how every morning when I wake up, I should take a breath for myself, and then I should take a breath for the people that are next to me and around me, and take a breath for the people in the town, and so on, and just gave me an inspirational little trick about how to feel good every morning. And he gave me a lighter, and that was it.

Ben: He sounds like quite a guy. I have to ask, how many midgets have you seen?

Panda: Two. I see the nitrous one around a lot.

Ben: Have your dance moves improved?

Panda: Yes, they’re always improving.

Ben: I want to know about camp. So whats the security like. It’s a bunch of bikers?

Panda: Yes, it is. It’s a bunch of old, old people who are part of this Harley club, and where it’s actually at, is at like, there’s like a Harley-Davidson Museum there and just everything is all like eww biker blah blah blah.

Ben: Gotcha.

Panda: It’s interesting security. Some people there were very strict and then others, they opened up my car to search it and were just like, “There’s a lot of stuff here... “
“Yeah, I’ve been living out of my car for the past month,” I said.
“Uhhh well okay do you have any glass in there?”
“Well, are you sure?”
“Yep.” And they just shut my car door.

Ben: So what do you eat on the road?

Panda: Well, sparingly is the first adjective to describe it. Unfortunately, food is one of those costs that I just don’t want to have, and if I’m not that hungry, I’m all set. I’ve been very good about not eating fast food though, which is definitely a plus for me. I was kind of nervous about that. Yeah, I started eating lot food, which I hadn’t tried previous to this year, like the veggie burritos and stuff that people sell in the lot after shows. And, I’ve eaten at the vendors for a few times at festivals, which I have not done in previous years because it’s expensive, but I found that I’m way too lazy to cook for myself.

Ben: Yeah, if you find something good you might as well just splurge.

Panda: Yep.

Ben: Being that you’re a young female out on tour alone, what are you doing to prevent yourself from being kidnapped?

Panda: That was a mumble-jumble of words that I have no idea what it means.

Ben: Being that you’re a young female out on tour alone, what are you doing to prevent yourself from being kidnapped?

Panda: (Laughs) It’s not very hard, I’m very good at being awkward, and keeping a head on my shoulders. I never get too fucked up, I feel like I have my fun but I never lose my head, and it’s very easy for me to ward off males, usually, because I’m just good at being cold.

Ben: Are you sure, I’m going to ask you again, are you sure that you are not here against your will?

Panda: No, I am not.

Ben: Alright, I’ll take that. Do you have any parting words of wisdom or advice?

Panda: Live free or die.


  1. OMG, "take a breath for you and everyone around you" lovely. And " I see the nitrous midget a lot" is CLASSIC haha

  2. Pandas that can hardly hold their eyes open are hot.